4 REASONS WHY MARRIAGES FAIL

A lot of marriages begin the journey along the downward slope even before they got to the altar. Many people unknowingly signed a contract of marital failure before their wedding as a result of the choice of a life partner and the foundation they laid. The foundation of any building is always hidden, but the effect of its presence or absence is obvious to all to see. That is the reason a foundation must be laid with care. Those already married with a bad foundation should pray to God to repair their foundations. Beware of the following:

1. Bad foundation: Except a solid foundation is laid, the absence of a foundation, shaky foundation or even a wrong foundation will create problems in marriages.

“For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid which is Christ Jesus”. 1 Corinthians 13:11. If your foundation is built on money, wealth, beauty, position, gift, etc. Regret is inevitable. A solid foundation must be based on Christ Jesus.

Solution: Singles should be careful as they choose whom to marry. Marry in God; marry for the future not for today. Psalm 11:3

2. Impure Courtship: Fornication, the blatant transgression of the laws of God in courtship, cohabitation, abortions as a result of unwanted pregnancies, pregnancy before marriage do not go without their repercussions. You can’t transgress the law of God and go scot-free; it doesn’t work that way.

Solution: Renounce your past misdeeds as engaged couples and during your courtship days, as you seek forgiveness from God. Repent and ask for mercy from God. Singles should avoid sexual sins in courtship as much as possible.

You can get my book, Pure Courtship, for more on this. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”. Hebrews 13:4

3. Lack of Preparation: In a major number of cases, the preparation for the wedding usually supersedes the preparation for marriage. Preparation is the mother of manifestation. If you don’t prepare, you will have many things to repair. Many guys who did not prepare to become husbands and fathers while many ladies who never prepared to be wives and mothers, made a mess of the stage once they found themselves in it. “Prepare your outside work, make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterwards build your house” Proverbs 24:27

Solution: Singles should prepare meticulously for marriage. Improve yourself. Learn how to function as a wife or husband, mother or father. Learn the act of marriage; get matured. Attend pre-marital training, seminars, read marriage books, listen to teachings, tapes and attend marriage schools. Learn good things, unlearn bad characters and re-learn the old characters you have dropped along the line. Set your mind up for the best. “The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord”. Proverbs 16:1. My book: Preparing For Marriage will teach you how to prepare for marriage.

4. Wrong Mental Attitude: Marital failure is certain in the presence of a wrong mental attitude. Our mental attitude spurs our actions and reactions. It determines how we relate to people, situations or events. Some folks believe marriage is equal to bondage. Some sugarcoat it as a “bondage of love”. Some believe women are necessary evils while men are not to be trusted. Yet, some men believe that a woman is to be treated as a foot mat, an “immaterial thing”, not as a personality. Some women believe men are monsters. A majority of women believe that in-laws are bad. The list is endless. You can’t have this kind of mentality and not misbehave in marriage.

Solution: Whose report shall you believe? Stick with what God says about marriage. See marriage the way He sees it. “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and it the labour which you perform under the sun”. Ecclesiastes 9:9

WHAT WOMEN MUST KNOW ABOUT SEX IN A MARRIAGE

FOREVER – Gyake

“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife”.

1 Corinthians 7:4 (KJV)

WHAT THE ABOVE BIBLE REFERENCE MEANS

1. It means that a wife does not have control over her body as her body belongs to her husband.

2. It means also that a husband does not have control over his own body as his body belongs to his wife.

3. Therefore, a man or a woman in a marriage cannot deny each other their matrimonial rights.

THE ISSUE OF SEX DENIAL IN A MARRIAGE

If you believe in the word of God that a man does not have powers over his own body and vice versa, then, we must understand that sexual denial in a marriage is disobedience to God. Read this:

“Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer: and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency”.

1 Corinthians 7:5 (KJV)

MEANING OF THE ABOVE REFERENCE

1. It means that couples should not DENY themselves sex.

2. It means that sexual abstinence could only happen when both parties agree to do so for spiritual exercise.

3. It means that couples should come back to their sexual activities immediately after the spiritual exercise.

4. It warns that if they don’t return to their sexual activity, Satan may use the opportunity to cause problems in a marriage.

WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEX IN A MARRIAGE

A lot of women share divergent views about sex and sexuality and many of them give quite a lot of flimsy excuses for denying their husbands sex. I am not going into those excuses now but women should know the following crucial points about sex in a marriage.

1. Most men love sex even more than foods.

2. Most men will always want sex with their wives as long as they are together.

3. Over 90% of married men love to have sex daily.

4. As long as men have an erection, they will always have the urge for sex.

5. Men are not tired of sex even at old age.

6. Some men who are denied sex by their wives will look for it elsewhere.

7. It takes the grace of God for a man to live with a woman without regular sex.

8. Regular sex cements the relationship in a marriage.

9. Consistent sex reduces stress and is healthy for couples.

10. Satisfactory sexual life in a marriage minimizes the rate of infidelity.

WHAT IS THE CONSEQUENCE OF DENYING A PARTNER SEX IN A MARRIAGE?

Since God has commanded married men and women not to DEFRAUD(DENY) one another, if anybody refuses to comply with this scriptural principle, that amounts to disobedience to God. Disobedience to God is a sin and no sinner can be allowed to enter heaven if he or she dies without repentance.

God does not listen to excuses. A lot of married women complain of tiredness and stress in their homes. When a married woman thinks that she is doing her husband a favour by allowing him to have sex with her, then, it means that she does not know the meaning of matrimonial duties. Sex in a marriage is never a favour but a duty to be played by both parties till death separates them.

He or she who has ears, let them hear what the Spirit is saying to the married and intending couples.

© Simeon ‘Segun Ajila

5 THINGS EVERY LADY SHOULD KNOW.

Dear Pastor, Parents, Children/Teenage/Youth Teachers/Leaders, every girl around you should know this.

Sometimes we think they do. But from counseling, I discovered not all ladies especially the younger ones know these thing.

1) Sex is not Love.

Some ladies (especially the teens and younger females) still belive that if you love a Man, you prove it by giving him sex..

2) Men can and will Lie just to get Sex from Ladies.

The last lady I counseled give in because her boyfriend told her he would die if she didn’t allow him.

“My Doctor said if I don’t have sex, my testes would burst”

“I’m having blue balls, only sex can cure it”

And the biggest one…. “I’ll Marry you”

All Lies.. But not all girls know these tricks and many still fall for it albeit ignorantly and innocently.

3) Contraceptives and Preventive measures can fail.

Withdrawal can Fail.

Condom can fail

Virgins can get pregnant, Sperms can sip through and impregnate you while leaving your hymen still intact.

4) Women bear the brunt more when sex goes wrong.

Many guys deny the lady when things go south, Some will run away.

An unplanned pregnancy can alter your plans for life permanently if care is not taken, while the guy continues with his life..

Abortion puts your life and womb at stake, not his Life.

5) Sex doesn’t keep a Man

Common cliché, yet some ladies have never heard it/don’t understand it..

Sadly not every lady out there knows these, and the naive ones are taken advantage of on a daily basis. Spread the Word.

Every Lady (8 or 18yrs)Should know that closing their Legs in a Relationship is for their own Protection, you lose more once sex gets involved and when it goes it go south. Protect your future, Say No…

If he is ready and serious, let him wait and marry you..

SEX CAN WAIT. You should too.

Simeon ‘Segun Ajila

MARRYWELL

12 THINGS WHICH PARENTING IS NOT

There 12 Major things which Parenting us not and many Parents are equating parenting to them and are making many serious mistakes.

I want us to quickly examine them here:

1: PARENTING IS NOT A GIFT OF THE Spirit – You can’t get parenting Wisdom by laying of Hands, not at all, you need to learn it practically.

2: PARENTING EMOTIONAL – You can be a great Parent raising your Children base on the emotional outbursts, this will only make your Children your enemies, not Friends.

3: PARENTING IS NOT TRIAL BY ERROR – You can not play kites with the life of your children, you can’t try what works and what is not working to get the best out of it, not at all, that will be dangerous.

4: PARENTING IS NOT PARENTAL DUPLICATION – You can’t just duplicate what your Parents did and think that will work in the lives of your Children, sorry your Children are different from you, you can can’t raise them the way you were raised and get great results.

5: PARENTING IS NOT Bullying – Beating, battering, and bullying Children have never yielded great results, handling them with Wisdom is a better way, get wisdom

6: PARENTING IS NOT Indulging – Some parents think the best way to raise good Children is by not beating them, not correcting them but pampering them and covering their errors and mistakes. Not at all, you need to be a balanced parent, you don’t bully, you don’t indulge.

7: PARENTING IS NOT BY PROXY – You can’t delegate parenting to Nannies, Maids, Grand-Mas, Teachers, Friends etc. It is your God-given duty, you can’t afford to fail.

8: PARENTING WAS NOT BROUGHT FROM HEAVEN – You did not come with Parenting Wisdom from Heaven, you need to learn it on earth. You were not born with it, you need to consciously learn it.

9: PARENTING IS NOT BY Chance – It’s not by chance, maybe it will work, maybe not. You know you are dealing with destinies here, you need to take it seriously and get to know what will work before applying it. Someone said: If you never copy best practices, you’ll have to repeat all the mistakes yourself. If you only copy best practices, you’ll always be one step behind the leaders.” Learn the Parenting best practices and practice them for a greater result.

10: PARENTING IS NOT GAMES – Don’t play games with the lives of your children because their lives is very important. Always remember that Parenting is not a Game, be very serious about it.

11: PARENTING IS NOT BY INTUITION – You don’t just base your Parenting on what you think is right, what you think it is, what you think it should be, parenting is not by intuition, it is by Wisdom.

12: PARENTING IS NOT BY SHOUTING – You can not win your Children by shouting the way many Mothers normally do. No, stop shouting, learn how to raise children properly.

by Bisi Adewale

https://familylifers.com/topic/12-things-which-parenting-is-not/

HOW TO BUILD INTIMACY (Friendship) in your Relationship and Marriage.

INTIMACY IS A KEY!

Staying together brings cleaving together!

Marriage only makes someone your lawfully wedded PARTNER, it is Intimacy that makes them your FRIEND.

There are married People whose best friend is not their Partner, while for some, their Partner is not even their friend. Such a Marriage is a waste of “I DO”

2 WAYS TO BUILD INTIMACY:

> COMMUNICATION
> COLLABORATION

COMMUNICATION

=>TALK …A lot.
Create time to call, text, chat, video call, hang out.

Talk about everything and anything.

About your love for each other, your day, how it went, what you ate, who you saw, your funny/hurtful experiences and adventures, talk about your fears, your hopes and aspirations, gist, gossip, rant to each other..

Both in the Spiritual and in the Physical, Communication breeds Intimacy.

=> GIVE.
Communication isn’t only with words, you also communicate with gifts, acts of service, cash, etc.

Learn to spoil each other with the resources available to you both. And for the married, Sex is also part of communication.

2) COLLABORATION

Pray together, Plan together, Play together. Bath together (if married), Eat together,

Visit friends together.

Go on dates, attend programs, seminars, concerts together.

Grow Together. Intentionally come up with ideas and plans that will see you and your partner more together than apart.

It’s sad when you see persons who seem to enjoy themselves more when apart from their partner, a married Man who prefers being with the Boys every Friday eating suya and drinking peppersoup than taking his wife out to do same or something else, you are harming your Relationship and Marriage..

Marriage without Intimacy is like Food without Salt.

Intimacy builds Trust, Unity, Love, Happiness and Peace. Go for Intimacy. Go for Gold.

Marry your Friend and Befriend who you Marry

Simeon ‘Segun Ajila

MARRYWELL

Marry Well!